Cold hands, warm shart.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
