So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
