he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
