i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
