Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
