He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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