The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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