All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
