Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
