I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
