My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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