don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
