Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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