I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
