absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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