I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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