How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
