this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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