Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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