I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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