If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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