She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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