I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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