I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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