Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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