nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
