Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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