so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just found puke in my bra..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
