I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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