And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
