Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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