Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
