my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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