She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
