There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
