so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
