fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
