So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
