glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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