It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
