We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
