We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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