what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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