you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
