you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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