sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
