also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You ruined the universe
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
