i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
