Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
