If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
