I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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