textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
