I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Im part way to drunk.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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