Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
two words...techno handjob
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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