if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
