My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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