Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
