He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
