she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
